These Phrases from My Dad That Rescued Us as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who still internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."